A Bold Theory of Communication

– You can’t do this too often. If you mess up every day, there’s a problem. But on the other hand, if you occasionally say you’re not satisfied with your performance, you’re implying that the rest of the time you’re doing it right.

– Don’t go overboard with it. If you’ve done something mediocre, it’s better to defend it than to admit failure. Failure never looks good—you have to use this approach with caution. This theory applies only when there’s no doubt that you’ve screwed up.

– It’s better if it stems from an understandable human trait, not from malice or a wicked personal ambition. Something anyone could relate to.

– If there are legal implications, then this is not a matter for communication but something to discuss with your attorney, depending on the consequences of this type of acceptance.

But let’s look at some examples.

Rubiales’ Kiss

The whole world has seen it: a man in a position of power (the coach) and a player, at a time when society is highly sensitive to the issue of abuse. Rubiales’ strategy of defending his actions may not be the best one. I suggest: “I’m sorry, that was very inappropriate; I didn’t realize it. I was ‘drunk with joy’ after this historic victory, drunk with affection for J. Hermoso, and this kiss just happened without me even thinking about it. Without any bad intentions, without thinking, without any sense of domination. It was a split second that came from affection and joy. But it was very inappropriate. I just ask you to understand that there was no intention to abuse anyone—it was simply a stupid, spontaneous act. I apologize to Jenny and to all the women who felt offended.”

Argentina at the World Cup

It’s hard to defend Argentina’s behavior in the final—and especially after the final. No one who believes in sports can defend turning your back on the winner or attacking players from the other team after the final whistle. Argentina screwed up, period. The whole world saw it. Messi—or rather, the entire team—should have come out and said something like: “I’m sorry. Since then, I’ve replayed everything that happened in my mind, thought about this final, and we set a terrible example. We were in the World Cup final! We lost it and experienced the greatest disappointment of our lives, and we let that frustration get the better of us—to the point where we forgot the basic and precious principles of sports. It’s a little late, but… Spain played a fabulous game; they deserve to win, and we want to congratulate them both on their victory and on their attitude” (even staging this in a video featuring the whole team). If you’ve screwed up so blatantly, go out and admit it.

Patrick Bruel’s Abuses

This French actor and singer, who has been extremely popular in recent decades, is now accused of sexual abuse by more than 30 women (and more allegations continue to surface). He claims there was always consent—something that, given this flood of complaints, obviously no one believes. “I’m sorry, I acted like an asshole. I was a public idol back then, and it went to my head. I thought no woman could resist me, and when she did, I thought it was a game—that deep down, she wanted it. And I ask for some reflection, not shirking my responsibility but taking full responsibility for it. It was 100% wrong, but back then, these things were accepted. People often say, ‘Everyone knew.’ It was a kind of unspoken rule understood by everyone—that a man in power could press his advances on someone who wasn’t interested. A disgusting rule, and I’m glad society has changed. This doesn’t excuse me at all, but it helps provide context. I’m aware that I’ve caused harm, and I want to help ensure that attitudes continue to change.” This is a sensitive issue given its legal implications, but with so many complaints, there’s little doubt he’ll ultimately be found guilty; perhaps it’s better to empathize with the victims than to come across as an abuser who accuses traumatized women of lying.

Trump and Iran

It’s a bit more complicated here, but let’s give it a try. “I have attacked Iran, a regime that oppresses its people, threatens its neighbors, and undermines world peace. We had intelligence indicating the fragility of the Iranian government following the recent protests and years of sanctions. And we saw it as necessary to obliterate its military force, which was becoming a threat. We’ve severely weakened them militarily; we’ve shown them that we could strike again, but it’s true that the government hasn’t fallen. The fall of a government is always difficult to predict. So what should we do now? In cases like this, where an attack fails to be decisive, we tend to want to finish the job; we stay, we ramp up our military resources, and tens of thousands of people die in a conflict that lasts for years… That’s what happened to us in Vietnam, in Afghanistan, and in Iraq. This drive for a decisive victory ends up having a colossal human and financial cost—and it doesn’t even lead to victory. Let’s learn from history: sometimes the best course is to halt the offensive, be satisfied with the undeniable achievements we’ve made, and prevent the conflict from turning into an endless tragedy.”

These four examples are extreme cases involving serious matters. But even if you aren’t involved in this kind of scandal, you can at least apply the same principles to your daily life—both personal and professional. If you’re dissatisfied with something and want to learn and improve, that just means you’re a human being—a professional and a positive person. We all know Superman doesn’t exist—let’s stop pretending.

If almost no one does it, is it a bad idea? Maybe. Maybe if you admit something, the wolves on “the other side” will attack you mercilessly. But above all, it seems to me that pride—that pain of saying “I screwed up”—is the biggest reason. It hurts like hell to admit our screw-ups. And we screw up every day—what a paradox. But someone who admits they haven’t done something right is someone who does things right the rest of the time; they’re someone who learns from their mistakes; they’re someone who empathizes with how others feel and takes responsibility for their actions; they’re someone who holds themselves to high standards.

Maybe I’m the only one, but I’m sticking to my theory. Sorry 🙂